TeesTrans Transgender Support Group

My ex has delivered a final blow with which to hurt me beyond anything she could ever have done. I had a visit from a policeman today. He told me that he had come to deliver a harassmentⁱ order on me. I explained that I had only been around to the marital home twice in 14 months and that I had emails from my ex saying that she was happy with that method of communication.

Another weekend with no contact at all from or with my children. I am dreading Christmas. I know I shall not see or hear from them at all over the holiday period. I have booked myself in for lower FFSⁱ to try and keep myself occupied and focussed over the xmas period.

I have felt ready for gender confirmation surgeryⁱ for some months now and have told my gender therapist and consultant psychiatrist. I have been met with the response that I am not considered ready yet but I'm getting there. I had continued to bring it up but always got the same response.

I try and try to let go of those people I love and have loved but that sadly no longer feel able to either have anything to do with me or even treat me like a fellow human being; an equal. I have spent most of this weekend crying my eyes out over lost dreams and lost lives and lost loves. I feel empty and exhausted. I cannot face work tomorrow.

Lot's of bad things are happening in my life at the moment; which is bearable when there are good things to balance them. At the moment I have bad upon bad with no good. It's a tremendous struggle to drag myself through this period but I still have moments that make me smile. I'm still able to stop myself from being pulled down into full-blown depression.