TeesTrans Transgender Support Group

Well it's half term for my kids and I have sent them some spending money through the post. I have had no acknowledgement from anybody that they have received it. I also sent a 'thinking of you' card to their mam and have had no acknowledgment of that either. I have emailed to check they have received the stuff through the post and guess what I have had no reply to that either.

I feel I have entered a period of abject loneliness. The realisation that if I didn't contact other people (with very very few exceptions as I don't have many people in my life anyway) then I should hear from nobody. I hate living on my own. I miss my ex and my children so very much and feel that loss so badly every day.

As someone who has suffered depression for many years along with a bipolar disorder I find myself now defined by those illnesses. Ex-friends and family have ostracised me because of behaviour which was a symptom of those illnesses. People have been unable to separate 'me' from a disease.

Having major problems with family :( All the poetry has left me.

I torture and torture myself with memories and wants and needs from the past that are no more. I wish to learn to live to with those never to lose them but to no longer be tormented by them.

Head full of the past
Not letting go
Wanting it to last
Thoughts to and fro
Chained to the mast
Never letting go
Holding to them fast
Memories I wish to know
Still full of the past