The final blow

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My ex has delivered a final blow with which to hurt me beyond anything she could ever have done. I had a visit from a policeman today. He told me that he had come to deliver a harassmenti order on me. I explained that I had only been around to the marital home twice in 14 months and that I had emails from my ex saying that she was happy with that method of communication. The PC left to talk to my ex. On his return he said he felt an Harassmenti order was inappropriate under the circumstances. But he did say that any further contact would lead to it and that if I wished to communicate with my kids it would have to be through a solicitor from now on. I am destroyed and totally broken. I have lost what shred of faith I had in believing in the good in people. I have had any remaining hope of ever seeing my kids again taken brutally away from me. I understand my ex's need to hurt me but I never believed she would take away my children so completely. I am ashamed to be a member of the human race and even more ashamed to be a member of womankind.